Last School Year (Freshman Year of College)

So, keeping up with this thing on weekly basis was a lot harder than I thought it would be initially. Once I started the second semester in January, the school work got a lot more complicated and I'll go into further detail about that later on, but suffice it to say, it was rough! I'm going to get real with all of you and honestly show you a side of me that I tried to hide in the late hours of the night.

In my reflection on the first semester away from home, I honestly believe that I began to suffer from depression on some level.  Right from the start, it was extremely difficult to get into a good schedule and routine of study habits and delving into my usual scholarly drive and attitude. I honestly think that Hurricane Irma had a lot to do with my lack of routine in studying as the school had to close for the hurricane about a week or two into the new school year. I did try out and make the cheer team which for me was a huge blessing as it forced me to leave my shell that I was hiding in and make friends plus we all got to work out together which was such a bonus to have friends to work out with.

I still wasn't into much of a study groove halfway through the semester which anyone who has known me well enough for a while knows that isn't normal. Still thrown off from the hurricane, I was also really missing home and family. 99% of what I have known my whole life was still in Nevada with the people I love most in the world. I honestly wasn't sure, due to problems with financial aid clearing, if I would even be able to go to Embry Riddle until I got off the plane in Atlanta and had an email stating that it had all cleared. Needless to say, I was not mentally ready to be away from home, on the other side of the country, alone. I had just graduated high school and wasn't too excited at the fact of being away from my parents' loving care and my sister's boundless affection and attention. With all this being said, I went into a mental state where when I wasn't in class, I was finding any excuse I could to be off campus, back at my aunt's house, crying in my bed. (Yes, I know, surprise, Jordan actually does cry 😂). These sad emotional displays plus my thrown off study patterns caused many problems academically because I had next to no motivation (again, the total opposite of myself, it was shaking). All I wanted to be home and to be held and loved by my Mom, Dad, and sister. It was all I could do to make it through the day.

Finally, it was time to get home to Nevada and be with my family. We had a joyous tear-filled reunion in the St. Louis airport followed by days of fun in the December cold of Missouri with My pappy and Patti exploring places like the St. Louis arch and surrounding areas. After the party in Missouri, we drove halfway across the country back to Nevada. While in Kansas I got the worst email I have gotten to date. It was a letter notifying me that I had been placed on academic probation due my poor academics last year, I'm sorry what?! Until about halfway through my Sophomore year of high school, I was an A+ student. Then I became an A/ B student. I have always been able to learn next to anything instantly and due to my struggles with being a first-time adult, I was now, in my mind, a complete failure and disappointment. This did quite a number on my self-esteem and confidence. Due to NCAA policies, I could no longer actively cheer at basketball games for the school. I spent all of my time studying trying to make it up and prove to myself that I am still the intelligent human person with a fun loving personality that I have always been. I lost even more sleep than I did my first semester and even began to sacrifice my diet, making whatever was quickest (if I made anything at all, almost starving myself) so that I could spend more time studying and less time eating. My mental state deteriorated even more and I truly lost myself and became a shell of my former happy and sassy self. Most days, it was all I could do to get out of bed I was all but killing myself trying to prove something.

In the end, the only thing I proved was that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is worth losing yourself over, mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Now don't get me wrong, there were many amazing things about this last year that I clung too because those good memories were the only thing that kept me going, I've adopted a new mindset and motto for myself, When there's a lot at risk, there's a lot to fight for and losing your dreams over lack of confidence and a desire for reliving the good ol days. Go out and make new memories and make your dreams a reality.

"Failure is not an option!" - Gene Kranz

Round 2 week 1! January 1-7

Monday, January 1st 

Today was a VERY lazy day nothing much to report. Yesterday we spent New Years Eve in Disney World's Magic Kingdom. It was a long night but so much fun! We got there right when the park opened at 8 am and stayed there all day long! We got fast passes but they were all for later in the evening so we wandered around and rode the rides that we had the patience to wait for. The thing about Magic Kingdom on New Years Eve is that the park reaches full capacity within hours of the park opening. By 11:30 in the morning, Disney had sent us a message saying that "Magic Kingdom will not be accepting anymore guests for the day" In other words, the Park was at full capacity of 100,000 people. We got to take a small break from all the people and go to an ice cream social on the Liberty Bell riverboat with Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen! It was a lot of fun, we got a VIP veiwing of the parade from the river boat which was super cool we didnt have to worry about people blocking the view. We also ate linner at this jungle cruise resturant and in true jungle cruise fashion, the waiters had puns all over the place. It was super fun and we had great laughs XD. For the rest of the time before our fast passes we just rested and casually walked the park and rode some rides that we could find the patience to wait for LOL. As night time approached the dance parties started, when we came out of the Country Bear Jamboree there was the Frontierland dance party so we figured to kill some time till our fast pass we would dance, two hours later our fast pass time was upon us. The dance party was so much fun! It all went awesome when the DJ started a girls verses guys sing off which the girls won. after that it was all uphill. we almost lost track of the time we were having so much fun! When we left the dance party we rode Big thunder mountian, hoped on the railroad and rode that all the way to Tomorrowland to then ride the people mover and then space mountian, our second fast pass. After Space Mountain we went and claimed our spot for the midnight fireworks where we stood for the next hour and a half. Before the fireworks started I video called home and talked with my family we then watched the fireworks and then for the countdown lead by Mickey and the Gang. After the new year started and I hung up with the family and Carrin and I rode the Seven Dwarfs train and then Winnie the Pooh to try and kill time for the massive crowds to leave the park... it wasn't enough time XD there was still people everywhere! It took about 40 minutes to get down mainstreet. Then there was the nightmare of chaos with the buses back to the transportation center after about an hour and a half of that madness we gave up and went to the Fairee boat. It was a long wait but at least it wasn't a mess and there was an actual line! We finally got back to the hotel at 3:30 in the morning XD When we woke up the next day we checked out of the hotel and then went to Downtown Disney to pick up a few things and then headed home. When we got home I fell asleep and didn't wake up until almost 9 at night... then I called home and went to bed at about 10:30. I basically slept all day which is why I said there was basically nothing to talk about.

The Haunted Mansion

Stiiiiiiitch

I made a friend

Meeting the Prince and Princess

Discovered a new feature on my phone

Do you see all these people?!
This is why it took 3 hours to get to the hotel

Nothing much happened on Tuesday. I watched a lot of Brooklyn Nine Nine (about a season) After a while I got bored and went to Walmart to pick up a few things to start the semester off, a lunch box, a better make up bag for bringing all of my stuff to cheer events, you know, the essentials. When I got back from Walmart, Carrin and I decided to go to the Beach for $5 burgers, which were amazingly delish 😜After dinner we came home and ate a treat we got in Downtown Disney the day before and watched Olaf's Frozen Adventure, I won't spoil it for those who still haven't seen it, but it is SO cute. Falling asleep this night was really rough, I mean, I was probably awake until 3 am or so. But I was awake when the news went out about president Monson's passing. I was heartbroken for all of us still here on Earth and for his family left behind,  But I know that he is with his wife again which must have been a joyous reunion.

Wednesday morning Carrin had to get some wisdom teeth pulled so I woke up with her at the crack of dawn and drove her down to get her teeth pulled. It took maybe 15 minutes for the whole process. When we got home we both crashed again and went to sleep. When I woke back up, it was dinner time. So we went to Houlagins and got dinner. I got a salad and Carrin got a bowl of mashed potatoes of course. We went home after dinner and then we just sat around watching The Big Bang Theory until it was bed time.

What is it was cats and sitting in bags?

Thursday was a very productive day for me. I woke up nice and early (8 am is early compared to noon) and I reorganized my room. Carrin and I then had some running to do so we went to pet smart and best buy and of course Barnes and Noble is a necessity so we stopped in there so Carrin could look for a star map. We had lunch at PF Changs and then we went and watched Pitch Perfect 3 in theaters. That movie is so funny! XD When we got home I worked on my bullet journal and watched Brooklyn Nine Nine till I went to sleep.

Does this really count as a fortune?

Friday was another late start. I went to walmart to get some colored pencils to make my bullet journal happy looking and colorful and Carrin and I went back to best buy and pet smart to pick some more things up and exchange a few things. When we got home we made dinner and I worked on my bullet journal and watched Brooklyn Nine Nine again.

Because everyone needs a pillow that looks like
a fidget spinner

Pineapple String art
I had to resist very hard from buying it

Saturday was just a weird day, It started out productive then went lazy real fast. I planned my RS lesson and then cleaned my room while watching Aladdin. When Cariin got home from her errands and home and garden show we sat on the couch watching fuinny cat videos. We had spaghettios for dinner and watched Young Sheldon then I went to bed... at 7:30 like I said, Weird day.

Sunday was great! I conducted the music in sacrament meeting which was scary as ever because I haven't lead music in a while, but once I got back in the groove it wasn't so nervracking. Then I lead our discussion in Relief Society and that went great! We had an amazing discussion on how we can better prioritize our time to become better at our responsiblities in our daily lives and as Sisters in the Relief Society. The Spirit was definately there helping us out. When I got home from church Lilly and I called each other and talked on the phone for two hours. Sometimes all you need too lift your spirits is a long phone call with your best friend. When I called home for the day Dad showed me the armory bench he's building and it looks awesome and Mom and I filled eachother in on the Relief Society Lessons for that day. Then I relaxed in bed and watched Iron Man for the marvel movie of the week leading up to Infinity War (AHHHHHHH)